How Do I Write a Speech

Fancy Pens

My child is getting married. I have to give a welcome speech and wedding toast at the rehearsal dinner. 82 people will be flying in to witness my first daughter get married and hear my speech telling them how happy we are that they came all this way to be with us on my daughter’s special day. Another 300 or so of our closest friends will be there. First, I have to write my speech. Two speeches, actually.

I am a surgeon. I have been nominated for a Nobel Prize. I own a large practice with sixteen other physicians. I can transplant a heart in a heartbeat. I have raised six children. They are all attending Ivy League schools. They are all find young women and gentlemen, attending Ivy League schools. But they will be ashamed of their dad because he isn’t a speechwriter.

I have a four handicap at golf, but I’m no speech writer.

I’ve crewed TransPac three times. But I am definitely not a speechwriter.

I’m an excellent fundraiser for our hospital, but I am not a speechwriter.

I wish I someone else would write these speeches for me.

It’s not like I don’t have anything to say. I do. I love my daughter and I want her to be happy for the rest of her life.

Even with Bruce.

All of my feelings are circling my heart, in no order, though. When I sit at the computer, it’s like the keys are stuck or print jibberish.

I am relieved when the dishwasher breaks because we have to get to the appliance store before it closes. (We decide on the model that tells us when a glass breaks and automatically orders a replacement directly from Geary’s.)

My wife says try writing long hand. I will do better with a yellow pad like my attorney uses. But after a trip to Staples and an ice cream, all I write is “I am not a speech writer.”

Every pen is dry except for the red one, but the red one looks like I’m writing mistakes. So I run out again to buy different colors.

Blue doesn’t work. Neither does black. I try pencil. I have three days. Oh Lord. Make me a speech writer.

The wedding is Saturday night, the rehearsal dinner is Friday night and where is my speech? I need to write a speech for my daughter’s wedding. I have to do this or my daughter will think I don’t love her.

So I go online, through all those sites that tell me how to do this, but they don’t and I can’t and I have to write two speeches.

My wife calls the wedding planner for a referral. We feel much more comfortable with someone recommending someone. The planner raves about and Molly Leikin.

I call. A charming, smart lady answers. She’s an Emmy person. She says she can definitely help me. She tells me to take a breath, pour a glass of wine, then she asks me a lot of questions.

Within eighteen hours, both my speeches are written. Tweaked. Perfect.

Then Molly helps me practice my delivery. Twice. I sigh with relief.

Molly-Ann Leikin is my permanent speechwriter. I keep her business card with my passport and Social Security number.

I have three more daughters.

Mark Suares, MD.

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